ejOculation.com’s Near Death Experience

Many of you may have noticed that there haven’t been any updates to this site in a while.  We apologize profusely for letting our fans down.  What you may not know is all the technical mumbo-jumbo that occurred.  Jay, in an effort to upgrade the site’s CMS, managed to completely break the administration section of the site.  In other words, we couldn’t access the back-end in order to update the site (and if you can imagine how frustrated a fag like Jay got when he couldn’t access the back-end…)

At any rate, that is fixed now, but there are other problems with the site that are still being repaired.  You will notice that many of the video posts, particularly ejOcu-TV episodes, are missing.  We’ve gotten the Sock-It episodes back up and running and soon will have the ejOcu-TV episodes back up.

Please be gentle with us as the back-end is now tighter than a Arkansas virgin (which by definition is an ugly 6 year old who can out run her brothers).

You’ll also notice, should you try to log in to the site, that you aren’t able too.  We have removed the user database temporarily until we have the site completely fixed.  Due to the HUGE amount of video and the conversion to flash video, it will take all day to upload all the files… easily… and likely a day to do the conversion.  Thankfully, the conversion was started before the problems occurred and is nearly complete.  We will provide updates soon.  Sooner if Tammy could stop being the boobs long enough to learn php and MySQL enough to use WordPress.

Much peace.

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits, and other words Honoring George Carlin.

Inspiration. That’s the best we could come up with when thinking about the taboo humor of George Carlin. Although his death has saddened us at ejOculation.com, it won’t stop us from laughing. We can’t say George Carlin wouldn’t want us to keep laughing with certainty… he could be up in heaven screaming down at us, “Fuck you, you cum sucking bastards. Stop laughing you titless cunts. I’m fucking dead here!” But we’d like to think he’s looking down (or up) and saying, “That damn cocksucker Jay is fucking funny and I’d love to titty fuck Tam.”

In an interview on “Inside the Actors Studio” when asked what his favorite cuss word was….he thought for a moment and said “Mother Fucker because it’s so balanced.”  So we will miss you, Mother Fucker!

With most loving memory of the laughs, the triumphs and the losses we remain most truly…

7 words you can say at ejOculation.com.

ejOcu-TV – Facebook and Gay Internet Sex

Gay Net Sex and Facebook, Jay’s dream come true or Tam’s nightmare? Find out in this episode of ejOcu-TV.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

We’ve added a new intro-theme video. Same great song, more to see!

Gettin’ Wood

One of my very good friends from my past and her husband own and operate a very successful construction company.  Now it is successful because they only hire the highest quality, most intelligent people to build shit.  They found out one day that this is not always the case in fact this probably made them question their judgement on their entire payroll.

One dewey morning, sometime in the summer work began without much incident.  Everyone was hard at work.  There was one guy that was particularly hard at work and had no notice of how his stupidity was about to severely fuck up his day and possibly a few days after, the incident that I will lovingly refer to as “Gettin’ Wood” from this point forward. 
Continue Reading

Sprinkling Sunshine

We’ve been working real hard andhave added two new Sprinkling Sunshine comics. We’re still learning on this one, but you can visit our Sprinkling Sunshine page to see more. Hope you enjoy!

They Don’t Suck (even though Jason tried, with moderate success, to get them to)

Okay, so let’s say you are a Sex Pistols fan, you know all their songs (cuz there are just so many) and you live in San Antonio as so many people in San Antonio do.  What the fuck can you do about it?  No bands play Sex Pistols songs, and even if they do, they fuckin’ suck because let’s face it, those are not the easiest songs on the planet to do, it’s not like they are Celine Dion songs, although we would love to hear Celine Dion cover the Sex Pistols. 

Well, our fellow Sex Pistols fans…you are in some serious luck, there is a band that covers them – they are the only Sex Pistols tribute band in the U.S., Mexico, South America and well possibly the entire western hemisphere, except for this ONE band in Canada, they WOULD handled with extreme prejudice, but they suck so who gives a fuck.  Also, there are rumors floating around that there was another band in L.A. but they all disappeared under mysterious circumstances, one by one, over a period of 6 months.  Continue Reading

Sock-It — Abandonment Issues

Finally…  a new sock-it posting from an old recording we forgot we had…  Hope you enjoy!

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

You’d Be Fat Too – In Part

I am a happy person. I’m a happy person because I eat. I eat to remain a happy person; it’s that simple. As a man, stereotypically, vanity would not be an issue. As a homosexual man, vanity defines me – vanity and food that is. Ordinarily, I would avoid a full length mirror, but sometimes curiosity gets the best of me. I remember myself as a young, attractive, slender man with varying body fat of 6 to 10 percent. I enjoy holding onto that memory of me in spite of the truths revealed in the full length mirror. Unlike Alice, I do not see the White Rabbit or the Cheshire Cat when I gaze into the looking glass. I see fat… fat in places I didn’t know could be fat, like my arm pit… how did I get fat there? One stumble in front of the full length mirror led me to the discovery that I do still have a penis, in spite of having not seen it in a very long time… not by looking down at it anyway. It’s certain that my penis has not gotten fat along with me. If only one could gain weight in their penis first, instead of their gut, then every man would be fat and every woman would be force feeding him.

It wasn’t always this way for me, I used to love to stare at myself in the mirror and admire the lines and contours of my body, the way my pelvis stuck outward from my abdomen, the way my rib cage peeked out just a little, casting a shadow over my navel, concave… now, very convex. That was during my “Platinum Years,” before age defeated metabolism, before food was my answer to desolation. I was happy then too, I was skinny and happy, and had a bit more hair.

Now, I’m forced to confront my demons, the doctor said, “You need to lose at least 60 pounds, and I’m being generous.” Continue Reading

Fuck You Saint Valentine!

Yeah, that’s right I said it.  I would never tell a saint to fuck off usually but in this case I make an exception.  By my title I bet you are expecting the bitter woman scorned type blog that says Valentine’s day sucks cause I am single and alone on Valentine’s day….blah blah blah.  Actually, I happen to have a date on Valentine’s and my love department is actually doing pretty good business at the moment.  No….I just am against cheesiness….simple as that!  If you get sappy on me….or start acting cheesy….I am not saying I don’t like it necessarily, but I will give you shit.Now let me start by saying, already a couple of people at work got roses and tulips and what not, and I went along and did the whole “Awww, how sweet!” thing…but it was a LIE!!!!  Really I was thinking…wow this shit will be dead in 48 to 72 hours and you will have gained 5 pounds from that chocolate he bought you…and do you really need another fucking red and pink teddy bear…do you really?  So, yeah I got asked out on Valentine’s and I accepted before he or I remembered what damn day it was….soooo the poor schmuck got an ear full of my strict instructions about this fact.  Here they are in no certain order:
Continue Reading